so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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