Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
