Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
