Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
