I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
