So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
