Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
