Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
