Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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