I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
