and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
