I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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