The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this will be a night to untag.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
