I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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