Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
