Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
