Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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