Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
