I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
