He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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