i just wanna soil my oats bro
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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