remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
