so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
