i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
