i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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