A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
