While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
