haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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