I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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