I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
