the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
