Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
