He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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