I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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