i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
