3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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