imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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