It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
