I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
