when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
