What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
