I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
