I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone owes me an orgasm
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
