Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
