what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
