I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
