We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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