I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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