I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
