I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
