But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
