I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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