It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want nice things and good sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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