theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
