Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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