pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
