guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
