yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
