is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
